'Tis the Season...

...To be obnoxious! As the Freaks celebrate our one-year anniversary, (side note: Shelby just snapped herself into a blanket and is flapping about) we're only asking for one gift: PLEASE GOD, SOMEONE GET US BETTER SOUND QUALITY!

And with that, here's "Twihard", episode two. Enjoy!

*insert dramatic music here*

Another teaser for our super special secret project, courtesy of Omegle.

Conversation One

Freaks: I'm Edward!

Stranger: Hi, Edward.

Freaks: I eat mountain lions

Freaks: and go emo

Freaks: because I'm Edward Cullen!

Stranger: Why do you let Bella cheat on you?

Freaks: Because she's a whore, and I'm Edward Cullen!

Stranger: She makes out with "Jacobo" and you don't do shit.

Stranger: Oh Edward...

Stranger: you had potential.

Freaks: I already knew that, because I'm Edward Cullen!
Freaks: And I don't shower!

Stranger: Is fucking you really like sticking a popsicle up a vag?

Freaks: Yes it is, because I have poor circulation, because I'm Edward Cullen!

Stranger: The delusional girls fancy you.

Freaks: At least someone does!

Stranger: Poor guy.

Freaks: No, I'm rich, white, and privileged, because I'm Edward Cullen!

Conversation Two

Stranger: Hey.

Freaks: I'm Bella Swan.

Freaks: My life sucks.

Stranger: EW, GO SCREW YOURSELF!

Conversation Three

Freaks: I'm Jacob Black.

Stranger: I'm leaving.

Conversation Four

Freaks: I'm Emmett Cullen.
Stranger: ME GUSTA!

Freaks: I GUSTA, too!

Stranger: MY FRIEND IS HIS COUSIN. I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING.

Freaks: Which one?

Stranger: KELLAN LUTZ.

Freaks: That guy's a dick.

Stranger: How so?

Freaks: That pussy doesn't like football.

Stranger: ASL?

Freaks: Age: 100

Freaks: Man

Freaks: Forks, WA

Stranger: I like older men.

Freaks: ME GUSTA!

Conversation Five

Freaks: I'm Rosalie Hale.

Freaks: ALL I WANT IS BABIES!

Stranger: Good for you.

Freaks: Emmett Cullen will make me babies!

Stranger: Like Twilight?

Stranger: LOL

Freaks: What?

Stranger: Nevermind

Freaks: Okay

Stranger: There's nothing to do and I'm on this site.
Stranger: What is wrong with me?

Freaks: You don't have enough money.

Freaks: Or babies.

Stranger: I don't want babies now.

Freaks: You don't want babies?!

Stranger: I do

Stranger: just not yet.

Freaks: Are you gay?

Stranger: I'm not.

Stranger: Not even close.

Freaks: Well you must be, because you don't want babies.

Stranger: I just said I do.

Freaks: Did you?

Stranger: Are you a dude?

Freaks: No!

Freaks: Sir, I am a female.

Freaks: How dare you imply that I have manly bits!

Stranger: You just want online babies?

Stranger: Get them in real life!

Freaks: YOU CAN GET BABIES ONLINE?!

Freaks: WHERE?!

Stranger: Um, eBay?

Freaks: I hear they're giving you babies like t-shirts in China.

Freaks: I should go get twelve!

Stranger: Are you Asian?

Freaks: No!

Freaks: I'm privileged and white, and I'll get whatever kind of babies I want!

Stranger: I'm white.

Stranger: My wife's Asian though.

Stranger: Filipino.

Freaks: My maid is Brazilian.

Stranger: You have a maid?

Stranger: Are you rich, or just lazy?

Freaks: I'm rich and privileged.

Freaks: I'm not lazy! I've gone to high school every day for the past one hundred years.

Freaks: Except when I'm eating mountain lions.

Stranger: You must be living in China, because they eat some weird things over there.

Freaks: No, I live in Forks, Washington!

Stranger: Wow, stop giving out your state.

Freaks: Why?

Freaks: I'm in no danger from the Internet!

Freaks: I can crush the Internet with my bare hands!

Stranger: Cool, do it!

Stranger: I've been to Seattle.

Stranger: It was cool, but I don't think I could live there.

Freaks: Same here; too much sun.

Stranger: How do you keep coming up with dumb Twilight?

Stranger: I hate Twilight!

Freaks: I love twilight - the sun is so beautiful.

Freaks: I wish I could eat apples.

Stranger: I'm bored.

Freaks: Go buy a new car.

Freaks: And some babies.

Stranger: I have a car.

Freaks: Get a new one.

Stranger: I don't need one.

Freaks: That's what I do when I'm bored.

Stranger: You get a car?

Freaks: I have seven.

Stranger: I thought you lived in Twilight.

Stranger: You can just jump.

Freaks: No, I live in Forks

Freaks: and jumping is so low class.

Stranger: I don't really care if I'm high or low class.

Stranger: Being high class is like being normal

Stranger: and normal isn't fun.

Freaks: That's why I sparkle.

Stranger: Why are you a bitch?

Stranger: Is it because you're rich and you think you're better than everyone?

Stranger: Why don't you give money to people who need it?

Freaks: I grow weary of this conversation.

Freaks: I shall go buy some new cars and babies.

Stranger: Yeah, go ahead.

Freaks: Have a good day, sir.

Have you figured it out yet? Here's a very big clue:

After lots of this,

there came this. Enjoy!

LAST MINUTE EDIT: It has come to my attention that this little project of ours is banned in Germany. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. That is all.

New Freaks in Town

This town is not only big enough for the three of us...NOW IT'S BIG ENOUGH FOR THE FIVE OF US!

That's right, there are two new Freaks in town: Emily (who has been promoted from Sometimes Freak), and Ashley (who actually isn't necessarily in town, but is a new Freak none-the-less).

Also, a glimpse from our new project:

You are still not prepared.

What's that sound?

Do you hear it? Someting big this way comes. I'd tell you what it is, but of course, I'd have to kill you.

But really: It's coming. You are not prepared.

Freak Transportation Units

Us Freaks go on a lot of adventures, but we have to have some way of getting to them! That's where the Freak Transportation Units come in. So far, there have been three FTUs, each with it's own distinct personality, points of awesomeness, and points of pure suckage. Lets meet them now, starting with...

DARREN

Darren, a '96 Ford Explorer, was passed down to Kari from her Aunt/Great Aunt/Grandma/I don't even know Dawn. When still in Dawn's possession, Darren spent almost every day driving back and forth from Detroit. It wasn't until Kari's 16th birthday when Darren was officially hers. Unfortunately, Kari didn't have her license yet, so Darren spent a good year sitting in the driveway doing nothing but rusting.

When Kari did get her license, it became apparent very quickly that Darren had many, MANY problems. For starters, only his front passenger door opened, if he sat in traffic for too long he would overheat, his AC was long gone, if you could get any of the windows to go up or down it was a miracle, the doors didn't properly lock, many new parts were needed, and he had a wasps nest in his driver's side mirror.

Eventually, some of Darren's problems got fixed: The wasps were killed, he got a new radiator, we could open all but one of the doors from the outside, and Kari could put all the windows up or down with no problem. Sure, you couldn't open the back doors from the outside and the AC still didn't work, but he was all us Freaks had, and we loved him.

Many great things happened in Darren, from almost rolling him getting off the highway to drop off Emily, to cutting across 5 lanes of traffic to get to a Tim Horton's on the way to meet Darren McCarty (whom Darren was named after). Plus, there were all those trips to school, the grocery store, the mall, and various friend's houses that all kind of blend together because the were so freaking many!! Whenever the Freaks had somewhere to go, more often than not Darren was our choice.

Oh, and Darren was a complete badass. He really WOULD eat your face if he got the chance. Whenever Kari started Darren, he would make this totally awesome "RRRAAAAWWWRRR" noise and scare away any small animals in the area. Too bad his badassery didn't stop him from being butt-raped when Kari and Shelby went to Toronto. All those CDs that hobo stole will be missed, especially the expensive imported ones...

Alas, as Darren got older, it became apparent that Kari couldn't keep him forever. So, she got Jack (who I'm going to do a separate post on) and now Darren is sitting in Kari's dad's front yard with a "FOR SALE" sign in his window, waiting for a batch of wanna-be Freaks to take him home. He's still the most badass SUV this world has ever seen.

(NOTE TO KARI: If any of this is wrong, feel free to change it)

TOSHI

I've already done a short little blurb about Toshi on my own blog (right HERE!), but I might as well do it properly here. A '95 red Ford Taurus, Toshi was originally owned by my mom. At the time, he was mostly used to drive me and my sister's lazy asses to school even though we could have walked. Many "fond" memories of my sister picking on me were made in the backseat. But then, this summer, things changed as I moved up to the front seat and Toshi became MY CAR!!

Granted, Toshi wasn't as beat up as Darren, but he had/has his fair share of problems. His AC has gone from not working, to working but smelling like cat pee, to not working again many times, his brakes have completely gone out before and now they make a weird grinding noise, one of his tires keeps going flat, and, though not really an actual problem, his speedometer only goes up to 85. I mean, Darren's went well over 100, COME ON TOSHI!!

But Toshi has something Darren only had for a short amount of time: a way to hook up an iPod or MP3 player to the radio. For a while, Darren had this thing we named Severus Snape that actually went through the radio (you had to set it to a certain station and everything) that we could hook our music listening devices up to. But Snape didn't last very long and we had to force ourselves to listen to the radio. But Toshi, he has something that you put in the cassette player, named Sigmund, that works better than Snape ever could. So we could blast all the Russian power ballads or East Bay Hardcore all we wanted in Toshi without having to worry about it being interrupted by "LOOK ME IN THE EYEBALL!!!"

Now, I have to admit Toshi's MS Paint drawing is a bit misleading. You might be thinking he's a total badass like Darren, but he isn't. He tries his best, though, he really does.

Since we've only been driving Toshi since early this summer, we haven't had that many Freak adventures in him, but the one's we've had so far have been pretty awesome. We took him to the AFI show at Verge in Milwaukee and the Kill Hannah show at the Orbit Room in Grand Rapids. And a few nights ago, when we had a sweet midnight rave in the underwear section of Walmart, Toshi was how we got there.

~~~

That's it for now on the Freak Transportation Units. I'll be making a new blog on Jack, Kari's new car, in a week or so once I get to know him. And by that, I mean get off my lazy ass and draw an MS Paint drawing of him. I mean, it's not that hard, why am I putting it off so much?! Oh, that reminds me, I think this is the first time I've put up one of my MS Paint drawings on the Freak's blog!! NON-ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES ALL AROUND!!

~Peanut

What will the freaks do next? YOU BE THE JUGDE. No, actually, you shouldn't be the judge. We don't have money to travel the world and do stupid shit everywhere. Maybe some day though. I feel so old typing on this keyboard, for like, the fucking blind. These letters on this key board have to be like a meter tell! God damn. Anyway, what's happening in Brighton High, you might ask. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. What's happening in the gay commity you might ask? Suicide. No, really, suicide. Links later.

-S

Failure: We do it right.

Normally on this blog, we document the various adventures us Freaks have in Livingston County and various other places we travel to. But today, we are not going to talk about one of our adventures. Instead, we are going to talk about our lack of an adventure because we all fail epically at everything in the history of ever.

It all started out at Kari and Shelby's house where we had just finished up a delicious meal of vegetarian Stromboli. We were just sitting at the table, nibbling at the remaining salad, when somehow the topic of brownies and how we all wanted them came up. At the same time, Kari was texting part-time Freak Emily, who was sitting at her house bored out of her mind. So we came up with an idea: after a quick trip to the store to get whatever ingredients we didn't already have, we would take everything to Emily's and make the brownies over there. It seemed like a perfect plan. We should have known better.

Kari and I ran to the store to get the vegan butter, egg substitute, and soy milk while Shelby stayed behind to give Tweek a bath because he was very itchy. We were gone less than 20 minutes and nothing remarkable happened for either party. We got back, gathered up all the stuff for brownies, and got ready to go. This is when the failure started.

When we got to Darren, Kari realized two things 1). Her keys were not in the ignition like she thought they were and 2). her phone was still somewhere inside. She turned around to look in the house for these things, but Shelby had just locked and closed the door, thinking Kari already had the keys. Thus began our attempt to break into our own damn house. (Ok, it's not actually MY house, but I'm over there so often it might as well be)

First, Shelby tried to pick the lock with a bobby pin, a pointed stick, my pocket knife, and anything else that looked like it might fit into the keyhole. They we all threw our weight against the door, hoping maybe the lock sucked enough to actually give way to our collective 300-ish pound force, but since they just had the locks replaced last month, the door remained closed. After cutting a hole in the screen of the window on the porch but then realizing the window was also locked, we looked around the rest of the house to see if any of the windows might be open. They weren't, but that didn't stop us from trying to get into Kari's room in what I like to call a heaping pile of failure.

Kari and I dragged their really old porch-couch-thing over to the window. While we stood on the seat to prevent it from flipping over, Shelby climbed onto the back part and looked to see if maybe, just maybe, we could open the window and get inside. We couldn't. In a last ditch effort, Kari called her mom (who was in Pentwater visiting their Aunt Noel AKA Shake's mom), who then called a lock smith to come to our assistance.

While we sat in the back of Darren waiting for the lock smith, we started to discuss who's fault this was. We all came to the same conclusion: It was all our damn fault. It was Kari's fault for not making sure she already had the keys. It was Shelby's fault for locking the door before she was sure Kari had the keys. It was my fault for not making sure Kari and Shelby made these mistakes in the first place. After about 5 minutes, the lock smith and his wife showed up and he started work on the door. He didn't have any of his picks, so he had to use this little plastic thingy that didn't work.

As Kari took him to the side door to see if he could get that one open, his wife took the same little plastic thingy and tried it herself. In less than a minute, she had the door open and Tweek attacking her pants. Shelby and I went inside to find the keys (they were on the table under a notebook) as Kari paid the lock smith $40 for having his wife break into her house. Awesome. By the time the lock smith left, it was too late to go to Emily's, but we still wanted those goddamn brownies!

While blasting AFI and Blaqk Audio to drown our sorrows, we started work on the brownies and almost immediatly started failing. We should have known things would not turn out that great when I spilled a ton of sugar all over the floor, or when we couldn't get the clumps out of the egg substitute, or when Kari got flour and cocoa all over her shirt, or when the butter started to solidify while we were mixing it with the other ingredients. But no, we where too distracted by the lack of an "OH!" in Killing Lights because there should TOTALLY BE ONE RIGHT THERE!! Which is probably how we ended up with doughy, overly buttery brownies. There are not enough sad faces in the world :( :( :(

Moral of the story: If you're going to fail, you might as well try to fail as much as you can. Now watch this video to cheer you up.



It videos like this that restore my faith in humanity. Really, I'm not kidding.

~Peanut