Freaks are Your Friends

Over the years, the word "freak" has obtained a negative connotation. But I am here to tell you that freaks are your friends. Similarly, friends don't let friends see Sex and the City 2. Today, Shelby and I discovered this the hard way - by discovering it. Prepare for a long, dragged out, public service blog post.

First, a culture crash note. Er, another culture crash note. I'm watching Jackass on MTV2, and they just showed a commercial for some Zantrex 3 diet pill with two people who have obviously never been overweight in their lives. And they're naked. Because that will totally sell your product to people who want to look like naked, oversexed models, even though said product is detrimental to the users' health.

Anyway, back on track. Even though I may try to displace my natural born stars, the whole Cancer influence will never go away (yes, I'm an astrology nerd - kiss my ass) - I'll always be a hopeless romantic who is continually barking up the wrong tree. When I was young and stupid, I believed that there was that one special someone for everyone except me. Until I saw the famed HBO series Sex and the City. It was fate. Carrie Bradshaw was an inspiration to girls like me (despite sharing a name) - fashion forward, sassy, literary, but always lacking in love.

I spent 147 minutes in a movie theater this evening trying to figure out how I could ever have identified with Carrie.

It was, I suppose, bad enough when the sexist antics occurred in New York City. But the sequel to the blockbuster smash moved the douchebaggery to the United Arab Emirates. Because Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte are sou cultured.

The first scene of the movie pissed me off by taking multiple stabs at gays; the setting, of course, being a gay wedding. Guess who married Stan and Anthony? Liza fucking Minelli. By the power vested in her by...Broadway? And every gay male character ever portrayed in Sex and the City is an expert on fashion and interior design, speaks with a lisp, and is a fan of eighties chick pop. What the hell? Oh yeah, and Charlotte's nanny? She never had to worry about her husband cheating with the nanny because (NO WAY) she's a lesbian! The horrors! The best part: the nanny is a hippie lesbian who NEVER wears a bra.

The most disturbing to me, however, was the fact that the whole movie (if you couldn't guess from the title) revolves around sex. Sex, by all means, isn't a bad thing. Hell, I think it's fantastic. But that's all well and good in New York City, center of a culture that is enthralled with sex. In Abu Dhabi, however, where the religion is Islam and sex is a means of reproduction and nothing more; in a place where sex for pleasure is taboo and unholy, sex DOES NOT belong. Thank goodness for Miranda - at least one character had the common sense to attempt to learn about the culture of the Middle East (and out of respect to her host country on her ALL EXPENSES PAID vacation, conforms to those cultural norms) before blindly traveling to what is quite literally a different world.

After the movie, my mom goes, "I liked it," her usual movie crit opening. My only response was this:

"Did that movie have a plot?" And upon further reflection, yes, there was a plot. In a nutshell:

The women of New York City are liberated, and women all over the world should be liberated as well. They shouldn't have to be subservient, they should have their own voice instead of the voice of their husband, they shouldn't have to wear a birka (but instead should wear Dior, Versace, and other superfluous designers, who show the true worth of a woman), and should be able to fuck whoever they want whenever they want, just like the women of New York City (which is far superior to anywhere else in the world).

And they're going to take 147 minutes to demonstrate this plot, which actually paints all of Islamic culture in a bad light, just like Americans want to see it. And, they're going to do it with guest appearances by Liza Minelli and Miley Cyrus, and *GASP* the return of Aiden and Smith. "Word" (direct quote from Samantha from the movie. Not kidding).

Overall, two heartily and absolutely enthusiastic thumbs down. Actually learn about and experience a culture before you go around intentionally trashing it based on what you see in the media. That goes for gay culture too.

Be a friend, and don't let your friends see Sex and the City 2. Even if, by some dysfunctional stretch of the imagination, you do identify with Carrie Bradshaw. Just let us know how the crash was when it's over.