Stay in Your Own Lane, or Things Could Get Ugly

Greetings and Salutations, freaks! I have been severely lacking in my updating, and I sincerely apologize to all of our pretend readers. We love you guys. Anyhoodles (now I sound like Shelby), I have a dare for you:

Ask anyone about the worst thing that could happen while bowling. They will almost undoubtedly say that the worst thing would be to bowl a gutter.

Now ask a freak. We will reply in the same manner, but with a freaky twist: The worst thing that could possibly happen while bowling is to get a gutter...in a lane besides your own. Granted, this has never happened to one of us, but Abby and I witnessed this disturbing phenomenon on Monday night.

Abby, her mom, and I were at Brighton Bowl getting our balls on by playing dollar games this Monday night. The lane next to us was vacant for our first game, but halfway through the second, a troop of miscreet-like douche-bags took over. They turned out actually to be quite entertaining.

At first, said douches were trying to be showoffs. They practically bounced the bowling balls down the lane, and it proved effective, or at least until the leader of them, Craig, bounced a ball into the gutter, but then, as if it were magnetized, the ball jumped up over the barrier between lanes, and rolled down our gutter, and into the arm on our lane. It was HI-larious. I'm pretty sure everyone in the entire alley saw, and most of them were laughing.

The mishap messed up my frame, as I was the next to bowl, but re-doing the frame was superfluous, as the outcome was the same each time. The guy, Craig, apologized, but I just laughed.

So, what happens when you don't stay where you belong? Things get ugly.

The most normal thing about us freaks is that we are eighties-style mall rats. We go to the mall almost every weekend, whether it be The Green Oak Mall, The Brighton Mall, or The Twelve Oaks Mall. But no matter which mall we're at, we like to play a game called, "How out of place can we feel?", a delightfully fun social experiment. And from this experiment bred another: "Which store has the ugliest fashion?"

It all started one day when I was cleaning out my closet. I pulled out some hideous eighties bridesmaid dresses that I keep around for shits and giggles (also, I'm a half-assed seamstress, and maybe one day, I'll make something of them, but for now, they just sit in my overstuffed closet and collect horror stories). Shelby decided that it would be hilarious if she tried them on and we put them on the blog. This eventually led to scouring the malls for similarly ugly dresses, photographing their unholiness, and putting them right here in The Hole for you all to revel in.

This is just the beginning.

Shelby, in a ravishing red, walking like an Egyptian, and giving birth to the Freaks' biggest scheme to date.

Me, getting in on the action.

I started out as designated photographer, but couldn't resist this one-shouldered monstrosity.

Abby, looking like a waitress.

From this point forward, we weren't just looking for the ugly ones. No dress is safe from the freaks!

Our Freaky Protege, Ansley, has been in on it since the beginning.

Surprisingly, she's the most versatile of freaks: she fits in both girls' and ladies' sizes.

Sometimes, even the Sometimes Freaks got sucked in.

Danielle, looking as if she'd been attacked by an orange monster.

Emily, rocking the hippie look.

Even the demon child got caught up in the fashion fever.

There are plenty more where those came from, and if we could ever get our Flickr to work, we'd share them with you! Links to come, trust.

And now, I must saunter off to bed, for I must work my low-paying job early tomorrow. Until next time, if you can't beat 'em, scare the piss out of 'em.