Stay in Your Own Lane, or Things Could Get Ugly

Greetings and Salutations, freaks! I have been severely lacking in my updating, and I sincerely apologize to all of our pretend readers. We love you guys. Anyhoodles (now I sound like Shelby), I have a dare for you:

Ask anyone about the worst thing that could happen while bowling. They will almost undoubtedly say that the worst thing would be to bowl a gutter.

Now ask a freak. We will reply in the same manner, but with a freaky twist: The worst thing that could possibly happen while bowling is to get a gutter...in a lane besides your own. Granted, this has never happened to one of us, but Abby and I witnessed this disturbing phenomenon on Monday night.

Abby, her mom, and I were at Brighton Bowl getting our balls on by playing dollar games this Monday night. The lane next to us was vacant for our first game, but halfway through the second, a troop of miscreet-like douche-bags took over. They turned out actually to be quite entertaining.

At first, said douches were trying to be showoffs. They practically bounced the bowling balls down the lane, and it proved effective, or at least until the leader of them, Craig, bounced a ball into the gutter, but then, as if it were magnetized, the ball jumped up over the barrier between lanes, and rolled down our gutter, and into the arm on our lane. It was HI-larious. I'm pretty sure everyone in the entire alley saw, and most of them were laughing.

The mishap messed up my frame, as I was the next to bowl, but re-doing the frame was superfluous, as the outcome was the same each time. The guy, Craig, apologized, but I just laughed.

So, what happens when you don't stay where you belong? Things get ugly.

The most normal thing about us freaks is that we are eighties-style mall rats. We go to the mall almost every weekend, whether it be The Green Oak Mall, The Brighton Mall, or The Twelve Oaks Mall. But no matter which mall we're at, we like to play a game called, "How out of place can we feel?", a delightfully fun social experiment. And from this experiment bred another: "Which store has the ugliest fashion?"

It all started one day when I was cleaning out my closet. I pulled out some hideous eighties bridesmaid dresses that I keep around for shits and giggles (also, I'm a half-assed seamstress, and maybe one day, I'll make something of them, but for now, they just sit in my overstuffed closet and collect horror stories). Shelby decided that it would be hilarious if she tried them on and we put them on the blog. This eventually led to scouring the malls for similarly ugly dresses, photographing their unholiness, and putting them right here in The Hole for you all to revel in.

This is just the beginning.

Shelby, in a ravishing red, walking like an Egyptian, and giving birth to the Freaks' biggest scheme to date.

Me, getting in on the action.

I started out as designated photographer, but couldn't resist this one-shouldered monstrosity.

Abby, looking like a waitress.

From this point forward, we weren't just looking for the ugly ones. No dress is safe from the freaks!

Our Freaky Protege, Ansley, has been in on it since the beginning.

Surprisingly, she's the most versatile of freaks: she fits in both girls' and ladies' sizes.

Sometimes, even the Sometimes Freaks got sucked in.

Danielle, looking as if she'd been attacked by an orange monster.

Emily, rocking the hippie look.

Even the demon child got caught up in the fashion fever.

There are plenty more where those came from, and if we could ever get our Flickr to work, we'd share them with you! Links to come, trust.

And now, I must saunter off to bed, for I must work my low-paying job early tomorrow. Until next time, if you can't beat 'em, scare the piss out of 'em.

In Memoriam

Hello fellow Hole in the Road-ers, today we gather for a sad occasion. Our good friend, Pole Shoe, has disappeared. I made this tragic discover a few weeks ago, while at Target with my mom. Out of habit, I looked over at the pole our friend usually occupies, but it was empty, as were all the other poles in the parking lot. One can only imagine where pole shoe is now, maybe he's in a garbage dump, maybe he's in the middle of a busy street, or worse, maybe he's actually being worn by some gross little kid. Either way, we must remember Pole Shoe the way he was, not the way he might be now. And now, I would like us all to take a moment of silence in honor of our friend.

We will miss you, Pole Shoe.

Bio musings, so fun.

I hate teenage drama. And, I have nothing to do. The girl next to me keeps reading my blog, and I'm not sure about this blog yet. Let's find out, shall we?

The stench of my hair is giving me a headache, but, this blog is not about me. If you wanna read about me, and all of me Glory- wait, what was I talking about? Oh, right teenage drama, right.

It's spring here in Brighton, and high school drama is blooming faster then my boredom in this class. Yeah, that's how fast the drama train moves people! More later.

Why hello thar!

Hello indeed. It's been what? 3 weeks, more? Anyway in those three weeks a lot of shit has happened to the freaks, for instance, ugly dress trying on-ness and, Superman! The best waiter ever!

Okay, so Superman works at this Greek resonant, I don't remember the name right now. I'm used to calling in 'The Greek Place.' Anyhoodles, we were going out to dinner (me and Kari) and our protege Shake Man Zilla of Many Mens, or you Earthlings might know her as Ansley.

But, anyway, Superman was going to get me a Mellow Yellow, or Mountain Dew knock off, and returned in like 1.5 seconds. Shake was all, "Woah! That was super fast! You're like Superman!"

Thus the name Superman.

Superman got a note from us freaks, and I hope a big tip. I mean, he did deserve it, he had to put up with us freaks!

The freaks need a slogan.... Eat it, like it, live it, and stick it in other peoples faces!

That sounds dirty....

Right.... Thanks Superman!

-S

Hello fellow non-readers. So, I turned Mudracker today, even though I didn't have to try very hard, but my efforts payed off. So, BHS (brighton High School) is doing this thing called Day of Silence. Maybe, I'll post a picture of this poster that I picked up. It says;

Day of Silence is a national youth-run campaign to

protest the silencing of gay, lesbian, bisexual,

and transgendered people all over the world by being silent for an entire day.

Join the movement.

I honestly think it's the best thing sense sliced bread. And, to answer any of your dumb ass questions, yes, I'm bi. If you have a problem with people who check out girls AND guys, being straight is so 1900's (no offence Peanut and Karrol, or anyone else).

Sorry, I'm just alittle tired today, but for shiz, if you have a problem with it I'll pull a Jeffree Star and pull out a random trazer on you. *insert random dude here* don't taze me bro....

Anyhoodles, if you want to join the movement, the Day of Silence is April 16. I don't know if it'll move this year. I'm gonna go ahead and say you don't have to go to BHS, but, do it for that gay best friend you've always wanted, or that chick who forgot to turn off the light while she was banging her girlfriend (you perv. Get help for that, they have Perverts Anonymous), or your sister, or brother, or who ever, it's not like any ones asking you to eat your first born, or give an alcholic part of your liver.

Why are we looking for him, again?

Two posts in one day?! And within less than 2 hours of each other?! This is surely some kind of Hole in the Road record!!! Lets celebrate with fruit snacks!

Any-who's, time for my story. Since I have no job and I'm not going to school at the moment, I pretty much sit around all day doing whatever. And today, "whatever" included watching AFI tour videos, lol-ing at Smith's antics, being perplexed by Davey's makeup choices, and "Ohs furoobita!"-ing* Hunter. Just then, I happened to look out the window and see two cute blonde boys walking down my scary, steep driveway.

Normally, I don't go after blondes, I much prefer brunettes, but these guys were cute. One of them had emo glasses and long-ish hair and the other had shorter hair and freckles and both of them were wearing spiffy looking black jackets. All in all, not the best guys I have ever seen, but pretty damn good.

They both looked sort of confused, so I figured they were lost or something like that. So I answered the door ready to dazzle them with my know-how of Brighton roads, and maybe leave a good impression and get a phone number. But the second I opened the door, I realized that these guys weren't lost, but on one of the most annoying missions of all: door-to-door Bible thumping.

"Have you found Jesus Christ?", says the short-haired, freckled boy. Normally, my response to that question would be "YOU LOST HIM?!?!", but for some reason, all I could find myself saying was "...Uh..." Thankfully, neither of them were too preachy. They just gave me a little pamphlet and were gone in less than 5 minutes.

I went back to watching AFI, slightly sad, slightly amused. Unfortunately, in Brighton, this kind of occurrence isn't too rare. I swear, there are more Bible-thumpers in Brighton than there are trees and most of them aren't quick to the point like the blondes. They drag it out for as long as they can, hoping that eventually your resolve will weaken and you'll do whatever they want. The worst ones are the ones that act like care about you and insist that you can be "saved" only if you join such-and-such a church. Saved from what? Is Slender Man after me?

Also, on an only slightly related note, if I ever get a dog of my own I kinda want to name him Jesus Christ. That way, if he ever runs away, I can go to all my neighbor's houses and ask them "Have you found Jesus Christ?!", and the first one to answer with "YOU LOST HIM?!" gets a prize. More likely than not, though, I'll end up naming my dog Sirius or something else nerd-like.

That is all for today, unless Joo decides to post something to keep the streak going. YOU CAN DO IT!!

~Peanut

*"Ohs furoobita" is how Sims express attraction to another Sim in the Sims 2. Yes, that means I like Hunter, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!?!

Huzzah! Did I spell that right? I don't know, I almost spelled spell wrong. Woo, I'm tired. Anyway, I thought me and my three arm wounds should up date the county blog. Because, Freaks of Suburbia never die, even if no one reads about us. Anyhoodles, things at Brighton High are going smoothly, minus the Pinkney Freshman Face-Punch.

One of my friends punched this annoying Pinkney Freshman (okay, his name's Kyle, but I call him Pinkney Freshman, as you can see.) in the face, because he was like trying to take off my friends shirt, and my friend was like, "oh, no you didn't." And he punched him. I was sad because Kyle didn't have a shiner the next day.

Shit, I forgot what else I was going to inform our none-existing readers about. COME ON PEOPLE! EVERYONE LOVES FREAKS!

Bleh, other then me slamming my phone shut just now, in the middle of class none-the-less, nothing really important is happening anymore. Hm.... I think that's it, but wait and see what us freaks post next.

-S